the times are a changin'
Monday, December 07, 2009
I have an amazing job at Spreenkler Creative. I love my what I do and I love the people that I work with. It's a small company, so I don't get lost in any corporate bull spit, and they treat me so well. It's really great…but there's a problem: it's in Milwaukee, and my heart is in Madison.
I graduate in about two weeks (December 16th). Consequently, I'm in the midst of studying for exams (or should be) and working on final projects. I picked up my cap and gown last week. So strange. At the same time, I'm searching the internet for Madison area rentals and Graphic Design jobs…
The thought of leaving a job that I love so much jolts my heart and pains my stomach. The thought of staying away from Madison for another season feels the same way. So I'm torn. And I can't sleep. Not even prescription sleep aids can coax my mind to rest. This morning I threw up my breakfast.
The funny thing is that I don't feel outwardly stressed or worried. I'm functioning normally--minus the whole throwing up my breakfast thing. But the drastic changes in my sleeping an eating patterns lead me to think that there is some serious stress lurking beneath the surface of my immediate thoughts.
So what am I so worried about? Sure, I'm not really looking forward to paying rent again. We've been living with my parents for the last 2 and a half years for only about $200 a month. That's nothing compared to the average cost of rentals in Madison. But I'm also aware that Ben & I will most likely be making more money than we do now too. So, rent probably won't be so bad.
What really worries me is the possibility that I won't find a job that's as wonderful and fulfilling as my job at Spreenkler. To be honest, I think that most marketing firms are full of crap. I don't want to work for a company that makes dull, useless products look amazing just so that they can earn a few bucks. That feels dishonest to me. I don't want to lie. Also, I don't like consumerism, and I don't like fooling people into buying things they don't need. It's all a ruse, just an illusion; smoke and mirrors. I don't want to create illusions.
My values do not line up with those of the corporate mindset. I care more about being honest, genuine, and caring than I do about being fast, efficient and productive. Don't get me wrong, it's good to be fast, efficient and productive, but I think that honesty, genuinity, and caring are more important, and unfortunately get lost in the corporate shuffle. And no, advertising yourself as being honest, genuine, and caring is not the same thing. I would rather see a client as an individual human being with valuable thoughts and feelings rather than as a customer.
Spreenkler is a small creative agency who has actual relationships with their clients, most of whom have amazing products or services that help the community. When I work for Spreenkler, I'm working with clients who are working towards things like project based education and clean water. After supporting such important things through my work, how can I turn around and work for a company who tricks people into buying a lousy product? I can't. I don't want any part in that. I want to help people, not give them a quick fix. I want to use the power that I have as a graphic design and photographer to give worthy companies/people/movements the face that they need in order to get people to take notice of them. I want people help get people involved.
Involved in the community, in the arts, in music, and in each other's lives!
I don't want to get lost in the corporate shuffle. But most businesses have already been lost to it. So what am I to do? I have to trust that God will go before me in this. I suspect that he already has. Trusting has been hard lately. And that has more to do with my insecurities that it does with any reality. But that's a different entry for a different day.
If you would like to pray for me, you could pray for peace. That's it, I think. Something inside of me says that God's already got a job for me, but you can still pray for that if you want to. I'm just anxious. I need some peace, and the ability to slow down and let my mind rest.
Because I don't think that I'm going to sleep tonight, which would make three nights in a row.





